You might be wondering what I mean by “poop stand-off”. That’s okay. Hang in there through this scenario. You really need to go #2. Think caffeine-induced hyperactive colon time. There’s no dancing around the issue, or waiting until you ride home. It needs to happen now.

 

After talking yourself through some other options, you identify the unloading zone and walk on in. Tile walls, metal stalls, the faint (or intoxicating) smell of air freshener. You see the seemingly endless wall of stalls and you listen. You lean over ever so slightly, so as not to be found out, and take a peek.

 

Damn it, there is a pair of feet under one of the stall doors.

 

You open a stall door, so aware of your body’s needs, and you settle on the cold, hard seat. You clench your cheeks, and the poop stand-off begins.

 

The urge to relieve yourself has not-so-mysteriously lessened, though it doesn’t entirely leave. You are way too late for that.  Never before have you heard such a quiet restroom. Not a sniffle, not a sigh. And definitely not a toot.

 

Why aren’t they playing any music in here?

 

You sit. You wonder what the other person is thinking. Is she squeezing her bum cheeks? Is she hoping beyond hope that you get up and flush to end this thing once and for all?

 

Maybe I can wait. Do I really need to go right now? I mean, I have pretty strong rectal muscles. What?! Who says that??

 

Eventually, one of you will likely give up (or actually finish, who knows) and give each other full pooping freedom. Maybe you even do a little performative flush and hand wash to trick the other person into thinking you actually did something other than sit and stare at the back of the metal stall door, thinking of how much you wish the other person would lose this stand-off. If you truly need to let loose, you wait until the other person flushes and then try to hurry and poop all the poop before the flush ends. Speed pooping: not for the faint of heart.

 

***

 

My husband stares open-mouthed at me as I describe the poop stand-off concept to him. Apparently, this isn’t a thing for guys. (Although admittedly, he believes that it’s not a thing for women either and that I must be the only one imagining myself having a silent battle of the wills within those cold tile walls). I’m going to go ahead and disagree with him, and bet that there are some women out there who read this and totally get it.

 

My public bathroom behavior is ironic; I hardly ever have the privilege of pooping without others in the room. You might expect that feeling awkward about pooping in public wouldn’t even occur to me. Yet, I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. Socialization, cultural cues, family…whatever it was, was. But it really got me thinking, what a great metaphor this is. If at least some of us are holding back in front of other women in the freaking bathroom of all places despite knowing that everyone poops, in what other ways are we holding back?

 

As I see it, the reasons for the poop stand-off center around fear of being judged/being seen as gross/being humiliated/being offensive. Where else do these fears and insecurities pop up in our lives? Goodness, the list could be endless. The point is, though, that if we are holding back in the most basic of ways, could it be likely that we are holding back in other areas?

 

If you own a business, are you afraid of launching a new idea because you have seen a similar one and you don’t want to step on someone else’s toes? Have you spotted a beautiful-to-you shirt and been too scared to buy it because what your friends would think? Do you have the best idea for an article but you don’t write it because what if the editor thinks you are ridiculous?

 

Holding back isn’t showing our littles how to live out loud as themselves. It’s not showing them how to embrace their bodies as they are, including the functions (however smelly and hilarious-sounding) that keep them healthy. And, holding back doesn’t show us that we’re worthy. And we are. We are so capable and strong and rock star.

 

I fully embraced this whole freedom idea, just last weekend, while shopping in a department store. Sitting there, on that hard seat, I realized I was doing no one any favors by holding back. I don’t coach women to suppress their needs and hide. I help them to feel authentic and put their needs front and center! And I authentically needed to poop. So, here is an invitation to you: don’t let the poop stand-off control you! Let it go, mama. Let it fly. No shame, just real stuff. Just you.

 

And just in case you need some supplies, I couldn’t not do this. It made me giggle. (This is an affiliate link, I may benefit from purchases made through this link).

 

Emily Souder is a self-care and authenticity coach, mama, and writer in Maryland. She helps moms and mom entrepreneurs who are feeling lost in the demands of motherhood and out of touch with themselves achieve clarity, focus, and empowerment using intuition-informed guidance and skill building. She is married to her best friend (so cheesy, but so true!), has two littles (ages 1 and 4), and is on her own path of rocking her authenticity. Find her on MotherHustle, Instagram and Facebook.